3 Ways You’re a Perfectionist and Don’t Know It

1. You create rules that you rigidly hold yourself to.  These aren’t productive rules or safety-related rules, these are rules that prevent you from accomplishing a certain goal.  An example of this could be you make a rule that you have to dust before vacuuming, but since you don’t have time to do both of those things together, you don’t do either of them.  Another example is you made the rule that you have to exercise in the morning, but you ended up being busy in the morning, so you skip that day instead of rescheduling it for a different time.

You likely don’t realize the various rules you are making and telling yourself.  A good habit to get into is to recognize that you made a rule and then challenge that rule by asking, “What would happen if I didn’t do that?”  If the rule is made up, then your answer would be that nothing would happen and you can accomplish the goal you set out for yourself.  

2. You rearrange your plans when the original plan changes.  For example, you have a night out planned with friends and the plan was to go out to dinner, but the time frame or the location changed, now your anxiety is high because you already checked the menu and had your driving route planned so you cancel.  Your rigid thought process around knowing what the plan was has created a mindset where anything else seems unsafe.  

It is hard to incorporate flexibility in your mindset when there is safety in your rigidity.  However, practicing flexibility in safe spaces can make it more comfortable.  Going back to the example of going out with friends, if these are healthy friends who can support you through an uncomfortable situation, you might be able to try being flexible with them. 

3. You are the person everyone can count on because you are reliable.  I’ve heard individuals in management say, “If you need something done, find the busiest person in the room.”  The one doing it all gets rewarded with more tasks.  You may ask why being reliable would be a problem, and the answer is that most of the time it is not a problem, however, if you find yourself being overworked and taken advantage of, then it is a problem.  

Over-functioning is the term we give to those who feel the need to go above and beyond and typically find their self-worth in doing so.  Undoing the over-functioning mentality is a slow process, however, it can be done in two components.  One component is checking in with yourself before you answer a request.  Your automatic response is likely to say “yes,” however, checking in to see if you have the time and energy to do that task is necessary.  The other component is to work to increase your self-worth by choosing to spend time on yourself and taking more ownership of your time.

Perfectionism is often rewarded in our society so it is hard to see the fault in it, but it is often not sustainable for the person pressuring themselves to be perfect.  It is an unattainable goal and doesn’t build healthy self-esteem.  Get personalized help with an Anxiety Specialist by contacting us today.